I ain't messin with no broke broke. Uh.

Last semester, one of my professors strongly encouraged my class to apply for the Bakersfield College Scholarship. He told us that he was on the board that decides who gets the scholarships and that the previous year, everyone who qualified was awarded at least $200. The qualifications were fairly simple: 3.0 GPA, 3 professor recommendations, the intent to enroll full-time at BC or some other college/university in Fall 2011, and a 300 word personal statement. Well, David and I both applied. I spent hours cutting down my extremely wordy personal statement to include the perfect combination of 300 words (I know, you couldn't imagine me being wordy, right?) and I was feeling pretty good. The application stated that basically, if you didn't hear anything by the beginning of May, you were not awarded a scholarship.


Fast forward to the end of March. David receives a letter from the Bakersfield College Office of Financial Aid.

"Dear David,
I am delighted to advise you that you have been selected to receive the Chet Heater Memorial Math Scholarship for the 2011 - 2012 academic year in the amount of $400."

So I say, "Good job, David! I'm so proud of you!", which I am. But being the competitive little bugger that I am, I'm thinking, "Okay. I should get one, too, right? I mean, this was a Math scholarship, so my 'regular scholarship' should come any day." Wrong. They don't award "regular scholarships". Or at least they didn't for the next month.

David-1 Britney-0


It's April 24th. We had just gotten home after spending the weekend with the Heywoods in Wasco. To my surprise and delight, there are not one, but TWO letters for me from the Bakersfield College Office of Financial Aid. I open the first one.

"Dear Britney,
I am delighted to advise you that you have been selected to receive the Delta Kappa Gamma, Alpha Alpha Chapter Scholarship (talk about an organization that loves them some Greek letters, right?) for the 2011-2012 academic year in the amount of $350."

First of all, I actually received a scholarship, which is awesome! Secondly, it was only $50 short of what David was awarded, so I don't feel so bad. I mean, David is the brains of this operation. I just make the jokes. He's the one that actually understands what my scholarship title even means (the whole 'Gamma Mamma Jamma...').

David-1 Britney-1

Second envelope:

"Dear Britney,
I am delighted to advise you that you have been selected to receive the Angelina Bertano Memorial Scholarship for the 2011-2012 academic year in the amount of $500."

All the grace and humility I felt after opening the first envelope was gone. All I could say was, "Ha! Did you hear that, David?? I was TOTALLY just awarded $850!! I win!"

David - 1 Britney - 2, suckas!

Unfortunately, all of the wonder and excitement I was feeling about my two pieces of mail blinded me of the fact that David had also received a letter from the Financial Aid office. You know where this is going, don't you?

"Dear David,
I am delighted to advise you that you have been selected to receive the Dolores Cerro Scholarship for the 2011-2012 academic year in the amount of $1250."

David - 2 Britney - slapped with a slice of humble pie.

Well, I'm no mathematician, but I can add. And it would seem as though David wins this little competition by being awarded nearly two times what I was awarded. And though I am extremely grateful for the scholarships we had just been awarded, this is not quite where the story ends, my friends.

So that week after Spanish class, David had a voice mail on his phone.
B: "Who was that?"
D: "Oh, nothing."
B: "Ok, no really. Who was it?"
D: "Eh, it was just the Financial Aid Office."
B: slowing down a little, "Huh. What did they want?"
D: avoiding eye contact, "They want me to interview for the Rotary Club Scholarship."
B: floored.

You have to realize that I was not really upset about this. In fact, I'm honestly super proud of him. But, I can't beat this boy at anything. Not school, not MarioKart, not even eating! So for the 30 seconds of my life I was winning at the scholarship competition, I was feeling a little hopeful. So we kinda prepped for his interview and they said that he would be notified within a few days. David wasn't feeling super confident about it, but, you know, ain't no thang to a scholarship G like David has become.

Fast forward now to Friday, April 29th. As we were walking through my parents' house on our way out, my mom hands David the mail.

"Dear David,
I am delighted to advise you that you have been selected to receive the William A. Nielsen Award for the 2011-2012 academic year in the amount of $700."

David - 3 Britney - Owned.

But, oh no. That's not all, folks!

"Dear David,
I am delighted to advise you that you have been selected by the Bakersfield Rotary Waterman Foundation to receive a scholarship for the 2011-2012 academic year in the amount of $1000."

David - A gigabajillion Britney - Obliterated.

So that's the tale of how this Heywood familia made off like bandits with $4,200 in scholarships for the upcoming school year. And despite my admitted failure at being awarded more scholarship money than David was awarded, the joke is on him. I really only married him for his money, anyway.