Love song for no one

The 1990s provided us with fantastic music, but '90s love songs left us questioning everything we know about love. I have been thinking about the following songs a lot lately, and have watched the music videos and listened to the lyrics to try to understand where these guys were coming from.

1. "I Would Do Anything for Love" by Meatloaf

Offense number one: What are you doing with a name like Meatloaf? When I think of meatloaf, I think of the card from the game Moods that reads, "Your body is a meatloaf." I mean, don't get me wrong; I love meatloaf. Meatloaf tastes delicious, but it looks like caca. I think it's pretty safe to say that when a friend calls you "meatloaf", they're not saying you taste delicious. And you should probably find a new friend.
Offense number two: The repeating lyric "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that." leaves me wondering, what's left to do when you say you would go down to hell and back, but there's still one last thing you wouldn't do? I mean, that's a little drastic, don't you think? Also, I'm not sure if you've looked in the mirror, Meatloaf, but even without the nasty monster look you've got going on in this video, you shouldn't be setting those kinds of limits on your love life.
Offense number three: You must have just seen Phantom of the Opera on broadway or something right before you made this video, because Dang (David's observation). Also, I don't like Phantom of the Opera.
With the final lyric of the song still resounding, "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that", why does he ride off into the sunset with the "hot" chick? Also, the lyric "I won't forgive myself if we didn't go all the way tonight" says a lot about his motives. Ladies, if someone ever tries to serenade you with this love ballad, to take the words of my sister-in-law Marie, that's a deal breaker.

2. "Follow You Down" by the Gin Blossoms

Okay, I love the Gin Blossoms. I totally got to see them at the Kelly Lounge back before KLLY 95.3 went to the dogs. They were great. I also love this song. However, it is so misleading. They play this song at the end of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (yeah, I've seen it. Don't judge, dang.) when the tension between the main guy and main girl is resolved and they decide that they are in love after all. But what is it saying about their relationship? As David puts it, "Look, here's the thing: I like you, alright? I'm a lover. That's what I do. I love. Okay? So here's what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna follow you wherever you go, loving you every step of the way. But the second you go that far, you're on your own, alright? I'm a lover, that's what I do. But there are tons of fish in the sea, you know what I mean? But I like you; I like you a lot. So don't go screwing this one up."

3. "I Want You" by Savage Garden

Now, Savage Garden wooed many girls with their later hit "I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You", and I can't deny that I have most of that song memorized. But the only words I know from this song are "Chica Cherry Cola" and "Ooh, I want you, I don't know if I need you, but ooh, I'd die to find out". I guess love isn't as essential as we once thought, or at least not for Savage Garden. Love is a luxury he could live without, but he would die to find out if he could live without it. Does anyone smell a paradox here?

In my next post, I will be examining a paradigm shift almost as dramatic as the one just discussed. Namely, Women's Suffrage.